Looking back on Pride there was plenty to be proud of, but one thing in particular stands out.

We can now say “I do”.  

Many of us have waited a long time to be able to say those words and have it mean something. Some almost their entire lives. And it is they I am most proud of this Pride. Their tenacity, their patience and their strength have made the world more equal for all of us.

It was no surprise that many of them marched in this year’s parade, and the event was richer for it. I will remember this year’s Pride for a long, long time.

View photos from this year’s San Francisco Pride parade.

Yesterday was quite the day… At 5:01PM on June 16, gay marriage became legal in California. While I have never been an active proponent of gay marriage (partly because I feel it cost us the election in 2004, and I rank other issues facing the country ahead of it), I am glad this day has come. It was a typical, overcast day in San Francisco, cold and dreary. Shortly after 5pm I ambled up to the front of the crowd across from City Hall and took the scene in. It was a large crowd of course, the vast majority voicing their support for gay marriage, while the minority were self-righteous and indignant as they held up bigger signs. Looking around I found myself standing close to members of the infamous Westboro Baptist Church, holding aloft some of the most hateful signs in the crowd. They were wedged into a small space by a pair of barricades like caged animals. Not to protect us, but to protect them. As I looked over at them, it was a struggle not to hurl all kinds of colorful metaphors in their direction. Others however did not share my restraint. But those bigots didn’t deserve the attention they so desperately craved, so I ignored them. Instead I focused instead on the brides and grooms as they came out onto the steps of City Hall. Each time they waved the cheers in the crowd would swell, drowning out the vitriolic cries of hate and intolerance. And the warmth and happiness on each of their faces, took the edge off the damp weather, making the protestors small, and less relevant. I choked up a little. Below is some video from the event. Apologies in advance for some of the harsh audio (turn your speakers down). Hopefully it will give you a taste of what happened…

Since the ruling we have been asked many times if Chad and I were going to get married. I always smile and say maybe next year, provided the anti-gay marriage initiative fails in November. But if you ask me again tomorrow… I might have a different answer.

Yesterday we saw Sex & The City for the second time and it was just as sweet as the first. I think one of the things that made me fall in love with the show was the enduring friendships the girls shared. They could always count on each other during the good times and the bad. They were more than just friends, they were family, and sometimes while watching the show they felt like a part of my family, reminding me of the more difficult times in my own life and the friends who helped me get through them. 

So when the Pride flags were raised on Market Street last week, it wasn’t gay marriage, the film festival or even the Pride parade which leapt to mind. It was my friends.

My best memories of Pride are those that I spent with friends, or more accurately, my extended family before my real family even knew who I was. Every Pride we would venture out because it was OUR day. Our day to celebrate. Our day to be proud of who we were.

Of course we are all older now. Many of us can’t be bothered. Some have moved away and some have moved on with their lives. Friends who were once close, are now distant and seldom seen. And the friendships that were once easy and enduring, now require more work than they should just to keep them alive.

So while Pride is in the air it doesn’t smell as sweet as I remember. But I’m thankful to be in a secure and loving relationship. I am happy that my parents accept me for who I am, and that their love is unconditional. And I am glad I still have friends who will call just for the sake of calling, just to say hello. 

For all these things I am grateful, and not just during Pride, or Thanksgiving, or Christmas… but all year long. It just took a rainbow for me to realize it.

I’m not really suprised that Bush took home the coveted prize as I feel it was the Democrat’s race to lose. In putting up a candidate that refused to define himself, the Democratic ticket was vulnerable to this outcome. I think they also over-estimated the importance of the war among voters.

I was however surprised by the strength of Bush’s evangelical base, buoyed by such issues as stem cell research, abortion, and particularly gay marriage. I think this is key. Eleven states on Nov 2 passed resolutions to ammend their constitutions to ban same sex marriages (list at the bottom of this post), and Ohio in particular went as far to ban civil unions. I feel strongly this was a central issue to many of those who voted for George W. Bush. Exit polls seemed to indicate that moral leadership and the economy rated more important than the war in Iraq and more broadly the war on terror. I think it is safe to say that mainstream America is simply not ready to accept homosexuality, rooted either in their faith or their homophobia.

While discouraging, it’s not suprising that this happened. Gay activists (and certain mayors) pushed so hard for this equality that it backfired. You can’t force something like gay marriage — no matter how reasonable or fair-minded the argument — down the throats of people who barely tolerate homosexuals in the first place. Many of which would prefer to have us shipped off to some island (and those are the nices ones) then deal with us walking down the aisle, revering that which they frequently take for granted.

But please don’t get the wrong idea. I’m all for gay marriage, or gay civil unions — which ever gives us the same rights and privliges as heterosexual couples without jumping through hoops and causing undue financial stress. I just feel there is a right time and place for these things, and doing them in climate that is condusive to change. The climate during a war, is not one of them.

Only history will tell if the strong push for gay marriage ultimately tilted the election one way or the other. It would be presumptious of me to declare that. But I do know that I don’t feel quite as safe today, as I did yesterday.

States Banning Same Sex Marriage on Nov 2:
Arkansas, Georgia, Kentucky, Michigan, Mississippi, Montana, North Dakota, Ohio, Oklahoma, Oregon and Utah…

which join existing states…

Wisconsin, Kansas and Missouri (please let me know if I have missed any).