I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about the events of the past few days. It’s been both joyous and disheartening; a giant leap forward and huge step back. And based on some of the hate-email I’ve received from Utah and oddly enough Calgary recently, they seem perfectly cool with stripping away rights due to our disgusting habits. More on them later.

Taking all of this into account, I have reached the following conclusions.

While chickens gained new rights in California, gays and lesbians lost them.

Religious groups learned if you exert enough money and influence, they can strip your equal rights.

No how matter how hard you push your own brand of McCarthysim, your electorate can still be stupid enough to put you back into office.

Religion often provides shelter for hate, intolerance and fear of “other”, opening up a whole host of possibilities.

A better educational system would reduce the number of bigots and improve spelling.

And finally…

Exit polling for MSNBC revealed that 24% of Americans are afraid of this black man…

While we may have lost this particular battle, we certainly haven’t lost the fight. We and are allies mobilized like never before, and along the way I’m sure there were many acts of courage, both large and small, that made the margin between Yes and No razor thin.

Below is one such story. Gino VanGundy did something many of us would not have the courage to do: engage a “Yes on 8” supporter in their home and share how we feel about the issue, in the hopes of getting them to rethink their perceptions about marriage equality, and perhaps, us. But often we fall back on those feelings that kept us in the closet when confronting total strangers we fear are against us, to share who we are and where we stand. This makes Gino’s story all the more relevant.

If you have any stories or someone you would like to give tribute to or who inspired you, please email me at [email protected]. I would love to post them here to inspire members of our community to be proud of who they are, to take a stand, and to make a difference.

Here’s Gino, in his own words, just a few days before the election…

Do you live in the suburbs? Are you tired of seeing the YES on Prop 8 signs everywhere and feeling like our voices are being drowned out by those that want to deny us (or your friends) our civil rights? I, for one, AM! They have even been coming to my front door. I have always taken the “nice guy” approach with them because mamma always said, “you can get much further with a teaspoon of honey than you can with a teaspoon of vinegar.” Speaking with them has been interesting, at best, but each time one leaves I find myself wondering, why the NO folks aren’t out there going door to door too. They have been coming to my door specifically because of the NO signs I have in my yard. Why shouldn’t we do the same?

About two weeks ago, as we were driving out of town on our daily trek from Fairfield to San Francisco (at 6am!) we were greeted by the largest YES banner we had ever seen! It was huge and stood about 12 feet in the air, was at least 6 feet wide and 4 feet high. Every morning for the last two weeks we have seen that sign staring down at us. To say that it has been an unpleasant way to start our day would be an understatement.

Today it hit me! If they can come to my front door, why can’t I go to theirs? I was admittedly terrified but decided that my first stop would be the house with the gigantic banner. I sat in my car for at least ten minutes as I mustered up the courage to actually ring the door bell. I thought, “deep breaths Gino, and just put one foot in front of the other” as I walked up the front walkway. I rang to doorbell and every natural instinct I had told me to run like hell! I stayed put and just as I was about to high-tail it out of there I heard the locks on the front door start to click. I was stuck! UGGH!

As the door slowly opened I was greeted by an older African American woman of about 75. Behind her stood a younger African American woman that was staring me down like I was not someone to be trusted. I smiled and introduced myself as a neighbor. I went on to ask them if they might be willing to discuss the banner that was looming over the busy street below. I sensed some indignation as in “who the hell are you to be telling me that I can’t put any damn sign I want in my yard?” I backpedaled and let them know that I believed it to be their right to hang whatever sign they choose and I went on to tell them that I was not there to attack them on their personal beliefs. I told them I was there to offer them a point of reference when thinking about the impact a YES vote on Prop 8 would have. “Well, what’s it matter to you? What are YOUR thoughts on the issue,” the younger woman said as she stepped out from behind the older woman. I took a big gulp and leapt right in! “Well,” I said, “for starters, I’m gay and the passage of Prop 8 would eliminate my right to equality under our Constitution.” Suddenly the older woman’s face softened and she said, “Well my sister works in San Francisco and she has a lot of gay friends and she wants me to take that damn thing down.” I saw an “in” but I waited for her to finish. “All this stuff is just too confusing to me! I’m not even a registered voter. Some guy knocked on my door and asked if he could put a sign in my yard to support some proposition. I told him that I didn’t care and the next time I went outside I looked up and saw this gigantic sign in MY BACKYARD!” “I never agreed to let him in my backyard he must have had a ladder because my gate is always locked.” “I’m just too old to get up there and take that thing down.” I had my in! “Oh, well if you’d like ME to take it down, I’d be happy to do that for you!” “Fine by me,” she said.

Unfortunately they did not have the key to the gate but I told them that I was more than happy to come back later when the person that had the key had returned. An hour later my daughter and I returned with our tools in hand and they happily let us into the backyard. Down came the sign, hugs given by all and my daughter and I expressed our sincerest appreciation as we left.

If you have thought of knocking on doors, now is the time. We have to get out and educate those that are blindly following, or worse, have been tricked into supporting something they do not fully understand. Be heard “stand up” and take the lumps that will surely come but know that there are people out there that support us but need some help to do it. One sign and one person at a time we can, at minimum, start to turn this dangerous tide.

A photo of the poster is below.

My partner and I was among the 2000 standing outside of San Francisco City Hall tonight, declaring that our fight to secure marriage equality for all Californians was far from over. Similar vigils were held across California in Los Angeles, San Diego, San Jose and other major cities.

I had hoped the turn out would be closer to 5000 but the lateness in notice and hour likely affected the attendence. Speakers included local politicians, religious leaders and people who played key roles in the No on 8 campaign. All worked hard to buoy our spirits and instill a sense of hope, encouraging us to keep up the fight. It was a cathartic experience that helped ease the seesaw of emotions I had felt all day. Here are a few photos from the vigil.

Inside, Looking Out is very pleased to publish this special guest column by
Mark D’Elicio, a personal and long-time friend who, like many of us, is deeply affected by the passage of Proposition 8.

With the passage of Proposition 8 in California on November 4th, the state constitution will be amended to contain a definition of marriage in California as being the “union of a man and a woman,” and while there are many who now believe that the institution of marriage is now and evermore defined within a context is pleasing to God, I’d like to point out what the amendment will NOT state:

1. The constitution will not state that a marriage is between
a man and a woman who love each other.

2. The constitution will not state that a marriage is between
a man and a woman who respect each other.

3. The constitution will not state that a marriage is between
a man and a woman who take care of each other.

4. The constitution will not state that a marriage is between
a man and a woman who are faithful to one another.

5. The constitution will not state that a marriage is between
a man and a woman who are able to raise a family.

6. The constitution will not state that a marriage is between
a man and a woman who give back to the community-at-large.

7. The constitution will not state that a marriage is between
a man and a woman who want to make the world a better
and more caring place.

You see, by defining the paradigm of marriage as merely the union of a man and a woman, the constitution will not take into account that “normal” marriages are quite often marred by infidelity, abuse and disrespect.

What many often fail to remember is that constitutions are the laws of man and not the laws of God. As Christ said, “give unto Caesar that which is Caesar’s,” what he was really saying was that God cared not about man’s money, taxes or laws — these are conventions of mortals and not of God. As a dear friend (a born-again Christian in fact) once said to me: “God sees and respects love not laws.”

No law will ever take away my heart or my soul. No law will ever take away my aspirations and dreams. No law will ever diminish that which I cherish. No law will ever relegate me to being something that I am not.

I suspect that in the afterlife, I will be surrounded by those I loved and who loved me. God has no time for those who wish to deprive others of their rights. I trust there are about 52% of Californians I will NOT see in the afterlife. If it were up to them, no one would gain admittance to heaven except those of like-mind and that by definition is un-Christian.